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Diary of an amateur Skipper (4)
Chris Hudson29 May 2023 - 17:18
Groundwork
And so, to week four. The dust has settled on last week’s underwhelming first match and so with our home opener scheduled this week, there is a chance to reset and calmly lay down the foundation of a stable, prosperous season. Just kidding. Another tense week of lurching from drama to drama beckons. First order of business is getting the troops to sort out their damn status on Pitchero. I have sent a message asking those that remain ‘unsure’ to piss or get off the pot. My nerves are shredded at the selection headaches that accompany this role. Already several regulars are playing hard to get. By Tuesday there is some improvement after my cajoling. Good news is we are at home. That tends to enhance motivation somewhat and combined with the prospect of a sunny day there every chance they will be coming out of the woodwork later this week. All I can reasonably commit to doing is not get into a fluster and emote all over the other captains in the WhatsApp chat. Oops…too late.
The team sheet is looking stronger in batting terms, but most of the current attack are all-rounders and ‘second change’ types. Guess that means the fielding element will be a bigger requirement for this game. Good thing we practice that all the time…don’t we? There are a few players who prefer not to play league cricket at all. I understand this as the lower leagues tend to have a clutch of try-hard types who think they are in contention for England selection and forget they are at the bottom of the food chain. This commonly leads to bad behaviour in terms of micromanaging the field, failing to give out obvious decisions and being general gobshites. This tends diminish the ambiance to some degree methinks.
Comments from the old lags in the club about how players can be recognised in terms of playing ability are sometimes hard to interpret. But after several years of applying my experience against the purported capability I think I have managed to work out a rating scale. Here goes:
10. Gun
9. Boss
8. Needs to play higher
7. Will do a job for you
6. Reliable/Safe pair of hands
5. Utility
4. Returning to the game
3. Better than nothing
2. Improving/Can hide him (her) at square
1. Will get in the batsman’s eyeline
I believe myself to be a solid 4.5 with aspiration to being a 6.
The final team list tells me that our attack will need to be managed as a composite affair with small spells only to keep the batsmen having to reacquire their rhythm every time we swap around. I decide to warn most of those who I will need to lean on to bowl that they may be needed more than usual with the ball. Most are positive in their reply. Maybe this plan will work after all.
Post-match: good news…and bad. Their captain won the toss and put us in which I found inexplicable given the conditions and weather. I should have smelled a rat at that point. I delightedly returned to the changing room to announce our good fortune. After all, we have several recognised bats in the team and so we could set a good total and let that affect the decision making of their innings. And so, we did- after 40 overs we reached 227 for 5. About 40 runs over par for the ground. Good scores for the character batsman who play four time a season and also for the young, sharp emerging wicketkeeper. Felt like we might be able to try to defend that.
Sadly, they had brought with them a ringer. For some unknown reason they had a bloke who hit it hard, far and often mingling with the rest of their SIXTH eleven. God knows why he feels happy playing that low. My son informs me that in the world of online gaming this experience is known as Seal-clubbing. I suppose he could assuage any remorse he may have felt about eviscerating our suboptimal attack and demoralising eleven very nice men from Reigate with his 153 not out (122 of which came from boundaries). There was no real way to keep the troops motivated through that one. Not even Ben Stokes could have kept his lads chins up during this innings. It was a shame as I had contrived a new team talk that I was sure would add value to our game- ‘glory in the field’. I had asked the lads to, when faced with a choice to dive or chase, to choose the dive. Go for the full throttle effort and not worry about the extra run or two if you missed. Pretty hard to do this when the ball keeps getting smoked over your heads. We lost by six wickets and, worst of all, lost two new balls and four replacement balls in the hedges around Red Lion.
The best part of the day was having a beer on the field with 9 of the team in the fading sun afterwards. That seemed like a good reward for our efforts. The boys only had one request- please can they not have to hear my Acid House playlist ever again.
The team sheet is looking stronger in batting terms, but most of the current attack are all-rounders and ‘second change’ types. Guess that means the fielding element will be a bigger requirement for this game. Good thing we practice that all the time…don’t we? There are a few players who prefer not to play league cricket at all. I understand this as the lower leagues tend to have a clutch of try-hard types who think they are in contention for England selection and forget they are at the bottom of the food chain. This commonly leads to bad behaviour in terms of micromanaging the field, failing to give out obvious decisions and being general gobshites. This tends diminish the ambiance to some degree methinks.
Comments from the old lags in the club about how players can be recognised in terms of playing ability are sometimes hard to interpret. But after several years of applying my experience against the purported capability I think I have managed to work out a rating scale. Here goes:
10. Gun
9. Boss
8. Needs to play higher
7. Will do a job for you
6. Reliable/Safe pair of hands
5. Utility
4. Returning to the game
3. Better than nothing
2. Improving/Can hide him (her) at square
1. Will get in the batsman’s eyeline
I believe myself to be a solid 4.5 with aspiration to being a 6.
The final team list tells me that our attack will need to be managed as a composite affair with small spells only to keep the batsmen having to reacquire their rhythm every time we swap around. I decide to warn most of those who I will need to lean on to bowl that they may be needed more than usual with the ball. Most are positive in their reply. Maybe this plan will work after all.
Post-match: good news…and bad. Their captain won the toss and put us in which I found inexplicable given the conditions and weather. I should have smelled a rat at that point. I delightedly returned to the changing room to announce our good fortune. After all, we have several recognised bats in the team and so we could set a good total and let that affect the decision making of their innings. And so, we did- after 40 overs we reached 227 for 5. About 40 runs over par for the ground. Good scores for the character batsman who play four time a season and also for the young, sharp emerging wicketkeeper. Felt like we might be able to try to defend that.
Sadly, they had brought with them a ringer. For some unknown reason they had a bloke who hit it hard, far and often mingling with the rest of their SIXTH eleven. God knows why he feels happy playing that low. My son informs me that in the world of online gaming this experience is known as Seal-clubbing. I suppose he could assuage any remorse he may have felt about eviscerating our suboptimal attack and demoralising eleven very nice men from Reigate with his 153 not out (122 of which came from boundaries). There was no real way to keep the troops motivated through that one. Not even Ben Stokes could have kept his lads chins up during this innings. It was a shame as I had contrived a new team talk that I was sure would add value to our game- ‘glory in the field’. I had asked the lads to, when faced with a choice to dive or chase, to choose the dive. Go for the full throttle effort and not worry about the extra run or two if you missed. Pretty hard to do this when the ball keeps getting smoked over your heads. We lost by six wickets and, worst of all, lost two new balls and four replacement balls in the hedges around Red Lion.
The best part of the day was having a beer on the field with 9 of the team in the fading sun afterwards. That seemed like a good reward for our efforts. The boys only had one request- please can they not have to hear my Acid House playlist ever again.
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