Two from two for the twos

Harry McInley writes...

Off the back of the "MacDonald Show" at Park Lane Road the week previous, the Scooby Doos arrived at Epsom with a steely determination to show the league that it's not just the captain's form that makes them hot favorites to win the title once again. The performance did just that, with all players bar Steve Hirst contributing to a very convincing win that questioned the ability of an Epsom first XI to stand up against Priory's second choice - another testament to the strength of the club this year.
Having won the toss and electing to bat, Epsom's South African opening bowler, who spells his surname "relief with a T", came steaming in.
We were all relieved, however, when MacDonald picked up where he left off last week and began to caress the ball towards the boundary. The big lad was a little mift as he found that shots which would have run away to the Park Lane boundary last week were coming up tantalisingly short on Epsom's au- naturale outfield. The extra few yards ran may have been the reason that the Dorking inside- centre couldn't kick on after another commanding 54.
At the other end, while Smith, Bye and Lister all made promising starts, a suitable man was not found to build a partnership of any substance. Henry Bye tried to take on the spin of Tuck before he settled but miscued to gully for 13.
A good spell of bowling from two offies in tandem caused the run rate to slow.
Traction is now starting to grow for a conspiracy theory that all second XI league umpires despise Tommy Lister as illuminati was at work once again when the Yorkshire- born left hander fell victim to what can only be described as a “howler”. Let’s hope that “Coach" gets some help from the cricketing gods next week.
At 99-4 after 28, Epsom sensed a chance to take hold of the game. However, two men, described by 1s captain Luke Beaven as “the heartbeat of the club”, had other ideas. McInley and Irving formed a partnership by
soaking up a little bit of the pressure, before building on those foundations to really get the score ticking again. McInley disposed of a bomb off the bowling of Hughes, which sent Irving into a scoring and strike-hogging frenzy.
While McInley fell having been “done in the head” by his teammates, the partnership of 70 was damage done and Irving continued to run well and play fluently to get from 15 to 61 in no time. With assistance from Wigley (25*) at the end, the Llamas posted a respectable 221 from their 50.
The Irving knock was a worthy achievement. It has been so long since Irving has scored a 50 in the league that a #sinceIrvsleague50 has been trending on twitter. Noticeable inclusions in these tweets were Henry Bye, who claimed he has had over a hundred barbecues in that time and Kam Mirza who reckons he has left the club four times. Despite what people say, those beers are tasting pretty sweet for the albino all- rounder at the moment.
The llama bowling innings was serene. McInley hit his straps early, poling with a catch to mid off on his third ball, with his seven overs going for 12 runs. The King Man, at the other end, found rhythm, and looked far too good for the Epsom batsmen, taking 3-23. That is not to say, however, that the brother of two found himself perhaps a touch hot- headed during his 10 over spell, particularly when an in form Nassir Essa strolled to the middle. What was to follow was one of the most entertaining passages of play witnessed on a cricket field.
After a few kind words from King following a play and miss, Essa struck a boundary through square leg which he followed but with “how about that a**hole”. Fellow hot-header Wigley sensed a battle at the other end, and when he was deposited for six over his head, emotions really started to run high. Wigley taunted the Inzimam-Ul-Haq lookalike to “do it again” at the top of his mark, and he willingly obliged, only this time sending a steeper to cover and a big send off to ensue.
Priory really did set a standard for the rest of the season with their fielding performance. Special mentions must go to the wicketkeeping of Henry Bye who did not let through one Tye during the whole innings, and also to Jake Rowe with his diving stops, although the new man has some serious questions to answer this week as he decided that dog sitting was more important than his initiation on Saturday night.
Wickets fell at regular intervals and Epsom were never really in the running. Wigley ended with figures of 3-31 off his 10 and
Donovan came in at the end to blow away the last two Epsom batsmen in two balls with fiery yorkers.
A job well done for the llamas, a convincing 120-run victory, which cued Jonny Smudge to get the round in straight away after the game. He really is a guy who just “loves a beer with the oppo”.
Man of the Match: Steve Hirst